Rise

Rise,

I asked my father  to come for support and take me to a pretty important medical appointment and to see a Neurosurgeon. The children love Grampa G.  because he is always teasing and clowning,  giving them what he calls “power pills” (nuts and M&Ms). His health hasn’t been good for several years now and he sleeps a lot throughout the day. He has made his peace on this earth and is ready for his new body and walk with God, and that is both comforting and hard for me. He remains happy and thankful for day he’s given. I don’t want to see him suffer or live in pain, but he is more concerned for me at the moment. Stubborn as mule, he doesn’t like it when anyone tells how to do anything. He has always been a tinker making spare money by picking up a good deal on a used car, boat, RV or currently a motorcycle that he’s spotted neglected in some field and banging on the door asking, “Hey what would take you to sell that ……?”  With a little know-how and tinkering he turns the neglected item into profit. When he had his stroke he became very frustrated mostly by not being able to tinker as well. Several years ago, we put together a motorized bicycle and our combined frustration level between the two of us could have been measured with a seismograph, I’ll however cherish it forever and always have a smile on my face as I cruise the neighborhood.

My parents worked as foster parents at a Boys Ranch when I was young and I was the staff kid surrounded by tough angry juvenile delinquents from broken homes. Usually fighting was their first instinct, I had to learn how to fight to defend myself. I always tried to talk 1st but I knew how to fight but never wanted too, I’ve always hated any type of confrontation. One of the things as a man you don’t want anyone to see is a anyone to see is you tremble during  a conflict, it promotes the feeling of weakness. Think about this; the next time you try to work up the courage say something, imagine you’ve just come out of a frozen lake naked shivering in pain prior to your very first breath forms a word.  That’s what’s Parkinson’s is like for me.

Even as a small boy I’ve always have worn my feelings on my sleeve, now with Parkinson’s when I’m feeling nervous I shake like branches on a tree during a strong breeze of uncertainty  until the anxiety passes.  Stress and my feelings of insecurity have been killings me slowly; the stress of worrying. If I can just calm down and relax, my father tries to give me advice but I’m just as stubborn as he is and argue about making change.  “I’m just trying to help you Dan,” he says out of frustration and he tells me I sometimes sound like I am defeated, Then he sees my determination as I begin my ritual of music and exercise therapy pounding and beating on the heavy bag, skipping rope etc.  Just like a tree my trunk is strong but the rest of me is vulnerable to outside influences and it shows.

Exercise has been my key to relief stress after 6 weeks off I have been cleared to start exercise again. My father watches in amazement as I go from an old man  shuffle and shaking to a coordinated athlete again as I press through my old routine. Slowly at first on the speed bag and gradually  gaining momentum and rhythm as I feel the disease leave my body and I become normal again; at least for the time being.  Later I play a makeshift basketball game in the driveway with my daughter, keeping the ball from her I begin dribbling behind my back and though my legs as we laugh as she chases me around laughing in the driveway. Something about the rhythm of the speed-bag and the thump of the basketball on the pavement seems to be magical for me. I always listen to music when I exercise it helps me relax and generate movement, now if I could just figure out how to exercise for a living!

I’ve still been guilty of trying to prepare my family by looking to far out on the Radar always worrying about what the future has in store? I have often wondered if I have worried so much that I actually have made myself sick. I’ve been trying to chart my symptoms, but changes don’t seem to follow any type of pattern with my pharmaceuticals. The only thing that remains constant is when my stress is elevated my symptoms become exaggerated. How is it possible to not worry about the future living with a disease that tries to takes bites of you everyday? I must trust God’s plan for me and cast my worries onto him.

Have you ever heard that perfect song at that perfect moment you needed to hear it? I admit, I probably like Katy Perry just as much as my daughter who I can blame for having her music on my iPhone. “Rise” is piped into my ear buds and the lyrics speak to my exact situation at that exact very moment and I feel empowered. I must do only what I can do for me now and give the rest to God. I had an awesome day today starting with some special time in the Hot tub and then shaving with my boys as we get ready for church. Later playing in the backyard on the trampoline and examining clouds to see what shapes we could pick out of them. I was let down several times this week  by things not in my control and that’s Okay. Tomorrow is always a new day and I live love and learn! I don’t want to waste another day worrying about things I can’t control. I get stronger everyday Body Mind and Soul!

Timothy 1:7

For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline.