May 22nd, 2016
I am obsessed to feel normal again, does that mean I’m still in denial or I am fighting back trying to figure this disease out; I cry I hurt, I’m supposed to be a man.
Last night while still feeling unbelievably terrible (I get nauseous and get e
extremely cold all contributing to my pain and stiffness) I was thrown a surprise 50th birthday party. Basically my wife had to drag me out the door and my actual birthday is June 11th, so I really had no idea. To get to go she told me we were going to a graduation party for one of our good friends children. This celebration couldn’t have been planned at worse time. My friends are seeing me at my lowest point and I am openly talking about it with a lot of them for the first time. When I do, I welt up and hate that people are feeling sorry for me. My guy 
friends who I used to play poker, sports and swill beers with just can’t find words any conversation becomes difficult and awkward, our commonalities are now gone. The women gravitate towards me because of sensitivity. This is extremely difficult knowing I am a different kind of person than I want to be or they remember. Because of this social awkwardness, I’ve felt that they just don’t know how to deal with me, and quite frankly neither would I. Nobody wants to be around a bummer, only misery loves company.
extremely cold all contributing to my pain and stiffness) I was thrown a surprise 50th birthday party. Basically my wife had to drag me out the door and my actual birthday is June 11th, so I really had no idea. To get to go she told me we were going to a graduation party for one of our good friends children. This celebration couldn’t have been planned at worse time. My friends are seeing me at my lowest point and I am openly talking about it with a lot of them for the first time. When I do, I welt up and hate that people are feeling sorry for me. My guy friends who I used to play poker, sports and swill beers with just can’t find words any conversation becomes difficult and awkward, our commonalities are now gone. The women gravitate towards me because of sensitivity. This is extremely difficult knowing I am a different kind of person than I want to be or they remember. Because of this social awkwardness, I’ve felt that they just don’t know how to deal with me, and quite frankly neither would I. Nobody wants to be around a bummer, only misery loves company.“When tears come, I breathe deeply and rest. I know I am swimming in a hallowed stream where many have gone before. I am not alone, crazy or having a nervous breakdown. My heart is at work…My soul is awake”
-Mary Margaret Funk”