I never asked for this Fight

I have not really written in a very long time, and I’ve really missed it. The things I have experienced over the past 4 years I could never wish upon another. What if at a blink of an eye your life changed forever; than you blink again only to open your eyes to another unthinkable change?

Diagnosed with Parkinson’s has changed my life in a way I can hardly ever explain. I think my blog initially gained some early popularity because it was extremely raw, as all I’ve ever done is express my struggles. My days and mind have been occupied fighting a very different kind of fight lately involving my ex and her father, a retired judge, as they have continuously tried used my diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease against me in divorce court.

There is a twisted sickness that is so incredibly cruel it deserves only the attention of the Almighty. Agonizing over every word I write is a power I will not give to another, I’ve gained my strength by always doing what I believe is the right thing. Standing my ground and fighting for what is right is the power given to me by God, as well as my belief and faith that His plan for me goes way beyond my daily struggles. If I can look at myself in the mirror daily and know I’ve done everything in my ability to love and protect my children, I am doing my job as a parent, father, and as a man. Stress is the absolute worst thing for someone with Parkinson’s and I’d much rather stay positive to promote healing. I give my fears and worries to God.

I think I’ve always been a nice guy, maybe a little too nice, and it promoted weakness in my marriage. When I asked my wife to marry me she was incredibly excited but also very hesitant, I would say more like petrified to tell her maternal mother and father. She was a wreck thinking her parents would have to be in the same room together at our wedding. (Her mother to this day can not speak of her father without throwing up in her mouth a little bit). She had procrastinated almost every little decision during our engagement and life together, until I would finally be forced to make a decision. Later in the marriage, I had lost my backbone after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s and with her being a control freak consumed by fear, I caved into everything she asked for or wanted. (It is her fear that will inevitably destroy her, not the stability that I once provided). Relying on her father, who uses his power and legal mastery of the court system to try to financially and physically destroy me, I’ve been Gas lighted in the courtroom by them using the offense I am unstable and a violent person and suffering from dementia. All in an attempt to hide his own weaknesses and sickness.

After a lengthy battle, I am finally divorced from his daughter, but my fight has come with a great cost and has always been with this very evil man and the destruction of everything in his path. When I met each of my wife’s maternal parents, I loved both her mother and grandmother a great deal. Her mother had also suffered immensely during her own divorce. Her mother told me that when going through the divorce she had gone through every attorney in the phone book trying to find someone to represent her but could find no one wanting to fight a Federal Judge. The legal barrage and stress put upon her ultimately caused a mental breakdown. I am told she now bleeds for me watching me under her same microscope and hell, in this different but related situation. When I begun to talk to her years ago, she warned me constantly of the evil nature of her ex husband but I had always had the mentality that until you’ve done something directly against me, I would form my own opinions. I actually believed at one time I could be a peace maker and could bridge the gap of the total dysfunction on her side of the family by using strictly common sense. I even had initially gone to my ex father in law asking for an intervention in our marriage, but his response was that it brought up too much of his own past and pain and he was not qualified to give advice. I’ve learned in the hardest of lessons that you cannot make sense out of crazy, it’s like trying to smell the color nine!

I’ve been gas lighted and legally bullied in an attempt to destroy me, and I’ve figured out finally how to beat a retired federal judge in his own backyard, the court room, by being the man I’ve always been throughout this entire ordeal. Their tactics are to continuously try to provoke me and drag me into a courtroom fight until I am in financial ruins. Everything they have done to me in court thus far has been a total manipulation of the truth, but I had provided them with just enough kindling to start and light their fires. I will no longer need to defend my actions with high-priced lawyers. If they have no substance to manipulate me with, there can be no more sparks or flames.

While the children are in my care I will continue to provide the stable home and environment they need to grow to be healthy teens and adults. I can and will continue to provide and care for them with only my love and the truth.

I will always be happy to put up my dukes and defend my past and future actions to anyone, I always have and always will try to do the right thing! Fight Parkinson’s it’s what I do!

I however pray for peace……..